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Get Out of the Grip

Author: Dr. Candice Cook

Picture a triangle. At the top is Bully Boss, another corner is Poor Dumb Slob, at the third corner is Mighty Mouse—“here to save the day.” When we are in conflict, whether it is at work, at school, or at home, we become one of the players in a game called THE GRIP. And boy, it is a bugger to escape.

It goes like this: someone tells, yells, explains, you’re doing, being, saying something wrong, bad, or inappropriate, (they’re being Bully Boss, an accuser, an abuser, or a critical parent.) You perceive yourself as being made to feel like a POOR Dumb Slob (a child, a victim, just-plain-wrong-one). You look around for someone (Mighty Mouse) a rescuer, a pain reliever who will punish that Bully and remove you, at least temporarily, from the painful position. (A lot of gossip can come in here). Some of us are willing to suffer until God Himself has to play Mighty Mouse on Judgment Day. But, in any case, we want someone to see us as innocent victims. Sometimes this scenario is daily reinforced with a spouse; you may take turns being the Bully, the Slob, or Mighty Mouse. But always, you are stuck, and it feels hopeless.

Is there a real Mighty Mouse out there who can truly save the day? Uh,,,no. So, how do you get out of the Grip?

First of all, notice it.
Determine which role you are playing.
Then, breathe,
Then, breathe again.

Then ask, “Hum, I wonder (and really ask and really wonder) what can I learn about this?
If it’s at all possible (and you can do it without getting carted away), wiggle your toes, then your feet, then your hips, then your shoulders, then your head—for one full minute. And, ask again (really ask and really wonder) “Hum, what can I learn about this?”

You might wonder why the wiggle routine? If you loosen up the body, the mind will follow suit.

Then LISTEN and I’ll bet you any money, you get a VERY interesting answer.

You have to want to be honest with yourself.

P.S. Please notice that the whole Triangle grip can be completely INTERNAL—that is your own mind takes all the parts. Example: Bully: Good grief! You ate almost half that cake. You’re hopeless. You’ll be a fat slob your whole life. This is typical of you. Victim: Yes, I’m fat, bad, ugly, stupid.

Rescuer: Why don’t you just eat the other half. You feel so bad now, you can at least make yourself feel better with the rest of that cake.